


Undead Tenants

by Shatterflowerdemon



Series: Reader inserts [14]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: AFAB reader - Freeform, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Romance, Explicit Language, Harems, Hate Speech, Humans being humans, I'm gonna go batshit with this one, Other, Reader Is Not Chara (Undertale), Reader Is Not Frisk (Undertale), Reader Is Not Kris (Deltarune), Reader does not like cops, Reader-Insert, Self-Indulgent, Skeletal harem, Skeletons, Swearing, doubt thatll be relevant much, gratuitous cursing, no beta we die like warriors, nonbinary reader
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-17 12:46:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 9,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29350656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shatterflowerdemon/pseuds/Shatterflowerdemon
Summary: "Heya, here to apply for the rental,"You look at the skeleton in front of you. Stout, white bones and shorter than you. They hold up one of your flyers that you had posted around the local college campus. Finally, an applicant!
Relationships: Papyrus (Undertale)/Reader, Sans (Undertale)/Reader
Series: Reader inserts [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2042395
Comments: 157
Kudos: 222





	1. Applicant

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Skeleton Squatters and the Landlady](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9816140) by [Tyrant_Tortoise](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tyrant_Tortoise/pseuds/Tyrant_Tortoise). 



> Another WIP. Aha. Fuck. 
> 
> This one is gonna be the fic where I dump my self-projection so I can focus on the plot of my other fics! Self-indulgent fic for funsies. 
> 
> Not beta-read and not going super ham on the editing.

"Heya, here to apply for the rental,"

You look at the skeleton in front of you. Stout, white bones and shorter than you. They hold up one of your flyers that you had posted around the local college campus. Finally, an applicant! 

"Sure, here's the information. If you have roommates or other tenants moving with you, I'll need contact information to schedule an appointment." 

They take the forms you give them and writes out their phone number and full name on a card you had for this specific reason. "Cool," you say, looking it over. Sans Skeleton. That's kind of funny. You fish out your semi-professional business card and extend it out to them. "As long as you don't have more than about 12 others moving in with you we'll be good," you semi-joke. No way there were that many, after all.

"We just might scrape by."

"Huh?"

They shrug and pocket the card. "There's a bunch of us," they point to the flowers on your table. "Lotsa cousins. Real big arrangement."

"Oooookay. Give me a call if I don't call you within a few days."

Yeah, as if anyone else was trying to rent out your bigass cabin turned multi rental. The place was large as fuck. Your first 'adult' investment after your disaster of an apartment. Yikes. At least with this semi-easy money, you could chip away at your student loans. Then again, with that many residents, there was bound to be some repairs and other things necessary. Thankfully, you also lived on the property! It was close to your part-time job anyways. 

Mx. Skeleton nods sagely and idly scratches a red stain on their hoodie. You couldn't judge them for it in the slightest. Many of your pants had suffered the same fate from mindless hand wiping. 

"Well, I've got to petal to the medal. Talk to ya soon," Sans says before exiting your temporary lodgings. Did he(?) not want to look at the property without the others? Whatever. You couldn't afford to be too picky. Renting a large residence that wasn't separated into apartments was kinda hard in this economy. That was even WITH the influx of college kids routinely, which you had been a part of until recently. 

You shrug off the slightly odd encounter and decide to spend your time cleaning the residence before your part-time job. You had originally planned to move, but where to? Monsters emerged before you graduated, and by the time you had that diploma in hand your city was too interesting to go anywhere else. The neat square of property that landed on your lap helped. Who knew you'd win that raffle? Wasnt you, that's for sure!

That's how this whole renting scheme hatched. You, deciding to enter a long shot raffle in a university town for a piece of property you'd never even laid eyes on. Then you got the phone call and paperwork. But, you still had taxes to pay. Then the librarian offhandedly mentioned you could rent out rooms, or the entire house! So that's when you worked your ass and your wallet some more to fix up the little house out back. Somehow, during the way, it had been on a different set of property, but was bought by the eccentric philanthropist that had made his property into a raffle post-mortem. Good shit.

You call the skeleton again, two days later. There had been other applicants, but you had gotten bad vibes from them. Plus, if this skeleton turned out to be legit (which you had a gut feeling about since all the monsters you had met so far were well-intentioned,) you wouldn't have any more rental room. What a boon. 

Sans picks up on the third ring. "Hello?"

"Hey, Sans Skeleton, right?"

"In the flesh."

You snort. "I think you mean the lack of, but sure. It's Y/N from the rental property."

"Oh, right. The big house."

"That's me," you say, wishing you had a phone cord to curl around in your anxiousness, "would you and the other tenants like to come in for a viewing?"

There are some muffled voices, and what sounds like a heavy object hitting a hard surface. ouch. you hold the phone away from your ear until the noises settle. "We'd love to," is Sans' reply. You quickly grab a pen. 

"Cool, I'm free all weekend. What works best for you?"

The two of you hash out the details and now you're going to show a gaggle (murder?) of skeletons your raffle won cabin this weekend. This was the start of something, you could feel it. The question was: the start of what?


	2. House tour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You give the potential tenants a house tour.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double update, haha! This is probably rushed, but I'm going to take this fic less seriously than my others.

The weekend approaches swiftly between extra shifts and your stress cleaning. You really needed to score tenants so you didn't have to keep cleaning the bigass house. Sans leaves you a voicemail that you check during a bathroom break. The group would be arriving within the hour. You scramble to finish your business and clean yourself up. With all of that done, everything is in place. You congratulate yourself silently. It takes guts to get motivated and execute a plan. Sans calls you as you wait on the new arrival. 

"Hello?" you ask. 

"It's Sans, we're about to arrive. Fair warning, these guys can be a bit....excitable."

You chuckle and spot what must be their arrival. three vehicles. "I might survive it," you joke.

"Maybe," he chuckles and hangs up. 

The vehicles enter the driveway and park. You notice Sans first. Then, you spot the rest of them. Sans was right, there were quite a few of them. There was an even mixture of tall and short skeletons. They looked similar to boot! Monsters must have good genes or some shit. At least, that's what you were telling yourself. Something niggled at the back of your head, but you ignored it. 

"Hey, pal," greets Sans. He had reached the porch first. You shake his hand, rolling your eyes and laughing at the whoopee cushion trick. "A classic," he quips with an easy grin. You smile slightly and look over the group again. 

"Alrighty, tour first?"

There are mumbled and exuberant responses, but you can't process them all at once. You open the door and step inside, holding the edge of it open for Sans to follow. 

"Course, this is the entryway. Left, you've got a kitchen and secondary door," you gesture as you walk around. A tall and loud skeleton gushes over its appliances and country touches with a smaller and equally as excited skeleton. A few others chat amongst themselves and you let them walk as they please. You continue to show them the rest of the house, including the utilities and recent upgrades. 

"So, you're saying that you're gonna fix stuff if it breaks?" One of the taller skeletons asks. He wears a button-up shirt and employee sticker with 'Stretch he/him' written on it. 

You nod. "Yep! I'm like, your neighbor and landlord. To clarify, I live outside, in the backyard."

"k," he says, eyeing you like a puzzle, "why're you rentin' to us?"

"Well, I don't need all this space, and student loans are kind of crushing my soul slowly."

he shakes his skull and unwraps a sucker. "Nah, like, why us specifically? Skeleton monsters n all."

"That's not relevant," you frown. Had someone made their nature a problem before when trying to rent? He huffs and sticks the sucker in his mouth. A shorter skeleton with a bandana around his neck comes up and pokes Stretch in the ribs. 

"DON'T BE RUDE!" he turns to you, a charming smile affixed on his skull. "I'm Blue! Sorry about my lazybones brother. Usually, humans show some hesitance towards us because of our rad nature! Must be intimidating with all these cool vibes!"

"VERY COOL VIBES" chimes in a tall skeleton that's evaluating the stove. You smile, a bit tensely. 

"Delicate flowers, those humans. Luckily for you, I guess, I'm in a different genus." That earns you a snicker from Stretch. 

"CLEARLY! You let Creampuff near the stove!" 

That flies over your head, a bit, but you assume it's because Creampuff, whoever that is, isn't fantastic at cooking. With a glance, you see Sans and another skeleton at the stove. Maybe scarf skellie is Creampuff? Conversation peters off soon, and everyone gathers at or near the dining table. You lay all the proper documents out on its surface. 

"Few ground rules, unfortunately. Uh, I think don't set the house on fire and pay rent is pretty standard. Not against you guys partying, but I'd appreciate it if you forewarn me and limit property damage as much as possible. No cops and we're good! If you have any issues or need anything," you tap the stack of your totally not hand made business cards. 

They all take a card with varying levels of silence and thankfully, no objections to your rules so far. 

"Totally cool with pets as long as you take responsibility for them and potential damages. Naturally, there's a security deposit and necessary forms, but I'm cool with waiting if you need time to evaluate your options." They turn skulls and share glances with one another. Their silent decision is a bit uncanny. Sans sits down across from you and picks up a pen. 

"We'll take it, pal."


	3. Progress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You do some more adult things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hhrrrnggg useless plot....unless?

Sans and some of the other skeletons sign the necessary papers. Sans promises to stop by later with the deposit and first month's rent. You tell him you should have the keys copied soon and decide on the date. They wanted to move in as soon as possible, citing small and cramped living. With a shudder, you remembered your old apartment and immediately empathize. Eugh. 

"Feel free to move in whenever after you get the keys and whatnot. I can help you move in, too, but I'd have to check my work schedule."

Sans whistles. Blue, as he had introduced himself, becomes invested. "Work Schedule? On Top Of Running This Place?" he asks, a bit surprised. You chuckle. 

"Yeah, covers the taxes and whatever else needs paying. This place was just a stroke of luck," you say, gesturing to the large house around you. 

"Dontcha have a family or somethin'?" asks a skeleton with an uncanny resemblance to Sans. He slumps into the furred hood of his black jacket. His body language screams, 'I wanna be anywhere that isn't here.' 

You grimace, "no."

Silence takes over the now awkward atmosphere. You break it by clapping, and it snaps everyone to focus on you. 

"Anyways! Here's your copy of the legal stuff, don't forget to get your mail rerouted here. Feel free to call me if you have any questions."

Sans takes the copies and places them in a manilla folder. The two of you shake hands, and then you're shaking hands with everyone as they file out of the house. Creampuff(?) and Blue chatter. The Sans look-a-like eyes you oddly on his way out, and the taller skeleton behind him refuses to meet your eyes. You mentally shrug. Everyone file into the vehicles. Blue and who you suspect is Creampuff wave until they're out of eyesight. That was endearing. 

With that all finished, you lock up the big house and return to your smaller one. You have a shift at the coffee shop soon. 

What a shitty turn of events. It had started raining during the walking part of your commute. Then, by the time it was letting up, you see some guy with strange vibes hitting on a fire monster. She looked underage, in your best guess. Regardless, her body language was uncomfortable. The choice is simple. "Heyyyyy! I haven't seen you in forever!" you exclaim, coming up beside the fire elemental. She looks panicked but calms enough to smile at you. You instantly feel responsible for her. 

"It's been a while," she says, a touch meekly. Understandable, considering the circumstances. You grin at her and turn your eyes to the harasser. 

"Who's this?" you ask, a grin stretched wide on your face. It feels like plastic, and you hope it conveys your anger well enough. The dude opens his mouth, clearly aggravated. You notice the rain has stopped and clasp the hand of the fire elemental. "No one! c'mon, I'll take you out to eat so we can catch up!" 

You lead her to a more open spot and whip your head around. No sign of the guy. You let go of her hand and sigh. "what a creep. You okay?"

She nods and wraps her arms around you. You note she's almost at your height, and pat her back. "Thank you!"

"Anytime, do you need me to walk you somewhere, or can you call someone? I don't see the creep, but it's better to be sure."

She fiddles with her fingers nervously. "I left my phone at home, and I don't remember my dad's number."

You bite your lip in contemplation before making your mind. "Alright, I can walk you somewhere if you want. I just need to phone my boss first." 

She straightens, her flames crackle, and you think it was from surprise. "Would it bother you? I-I don't want to walk alone right now."

You smile at her and dial the coffee shop, "Nah, I'd feel terrible if I didn't help you to a secure location." The phone call doesn't take long. Your boss is pretty understanding, and you offer to close. They agree, and you end the call. 

"I'm good to go uh," you peter off, not knowing the name of your charge. 

"Fuku," she supplies. You nod and extend your arm. 

"shall we be off?" you ask with a fake accent. She giggles and locks arms with you. You wonder if this is what having a younger sibling feels like. 

"You guide us, and I'll follow. Don't worry, if the creep shows up, I'll punt him like a football. Yeet."

She laughs, and you grin, feeling accomplished. Fuku and you arrive at a pub called 'Grillby's.' The two of you walk in. 

"Dad!" she calls. An orange fire elemental strides out of a backroom. You drop your arm and Fuku races over to him. While they make campfire noises at each other, you observe the pub. Tables, dog monsters, a jukebox with half working lights, and a bar. Cozy. Then, you spot a familiar blue jacket. You waltz up next to Sans and take a seat. 

"Fancy seeing you here," you quip. Fuku is crackling at her father and making wide gestures. There's a lot of contrast between the two, but you get the vibe that he cares a lot about Fuku. They both hug and you avert your eyes, giving them privacy. 

"You stalking me?" asks Sans with a chuckle. You scoff and lay a dramatic hand on your chest, agast. 

"Me? Bold of you to assume I have that much dedication."

He chuckles and takes a swig of ketchup. You wince. "You and Fuku know each other?" he asks conversationally. You shrug. 

"Sorta? Met her today, actually." He looks from you to the father and daughter. 

"good kid."

"I'm inclined to agree with you," you say. Fuku turns from her father, conversation seemingly done, and walks over to you. She hugs you, whispering a sincere thanks into your ear, and leaves the room. Your ear is warmed, and you wave idly to her back. Grillby, you think, comes over and puts a menu down in front of you. 

"...thank you," he says. 

"It was the right thing to do," you reply and check your phone. 

"Shit! Boss is gonna kick my ass if I don't leave. Bye Sans and uh, fire dude?" you exclaim, standing up from your seat too quickly. It blacks out your vision for a moment. Sans had put a hand on your arm to steady you. 

"Thanks," you say. 

"Anythin' fer a pretty face," Sans, wait, not Sans says. You look at the skeleton next to you. Black jacket skellie from the house tour. You look to your left, and Sans is giving the black jacket skeleton a stern look. You huff and pry the hand off of you. 

"Thanks, but also no thanks," you say before leaving with a "text me later," to Sans. He gives you a thumbs up and you start to book it to the coffee shop. 

Boss was so going to make you close two days straight, now.


	4. Muffet's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Boss makes you close two days in a row. Lucky you!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Batshit parts soon I swear. Reader is chaos incarnate and I vibe with them so hard they're practically my self insert.

"Ugh," you groan, sitting down for a rest break. You had just taken out the trash and locked the back door. Your boss did end up making you close for two days straight, this being the second. 

Fortunately, Sans had been messaging you earlier. Both of you scheduled a meet up at a public place to do the exchange since you'd be working extra in prep for their move in. This way, you could have an extra day off to get them settled and make last-minute adjustments. Plus, you could sit back and do your chores. Win-win situation. Blue had messaged you as well, asking many questions. He slowed down tremendously when you informed him you were at work. His enthusiasm was a bit infectious. The excitable skeleton had inquired about many things, including pets, pools, bouncy castles, water slides, and horses. An unknown number texted an awkward apology, but they still haven't replied with their identity. 

You finish closing up the shop and take a bus home. A stranger looks at you weirdly, but they stop when you 'accidentally' show them your pepper spray clipped to your work uniform's belt.

The next day, you do your usual morning before work routine and hop onto the bus. You check your messages. The unknown number had replied. They said their name was Red. You frown and tell them that they must have the wrong number. Who's Red? Someone you don't know. Sans had messaged you that some of his cousins were tagging along today if that was okay. You respond affirmatively and confirm the appointment. The meeting spot served good food, so you were semi-optimistic. 

You remember a bit of a previous conversation with Sans. He had said that you'd left a positive impression on Fuku. You might see her again someday. She seemed pretty young, and you wondered if she had any siblings or a second parent. It must be rough running a business and raising a child, especially without help. However, you could just not have met Fuku's second, or even third parent. You mentally loll the idea before dropping it. Maybe you'd drop in to try the food sometime. 

The bus lurches to a halt at your stop. You step off and begin your walk to work. On the way, you take note of how much livelier this part of town has become in the past year or so. 

Monsters traveled, sure, but you read that they were much used to a strong community. That must be why so many of them congregated around your town. A Rubix cube in stripes waves to you as they pass, rolling down the street in neon roller skates. It fills you with peace and joy. Monsters were like a breath of fresh air to your life, even if you didn't know them by name. Humans tended to get cold and distant, even hostile. You didn't think monsters were capable of it, at least not the ones you'd met so far. That could change, but you doubted it. 

All too soon you arrive at the coffee shop. You greet everyone at once after clocking in and get to work immediately. When your lunch break rolls around, you message Sans and clock out. Muffet's bakery is close by, and the trip takes five minutes tops. Upon entry, there are no skeletons. That doesn't surprise you. They probably had to drive from wherever. You order a spider doughnut and cider. It was the daily special. 

"Spider service, dearie?" asks Muffet from behind the counter. You ponder the possible meanings and nod. Whatever spider service is pleases her because she smiles and flounces away into the back. You shrug and sit down, content to admire the classy interior of the bakery. It had a sophisticated but delicate vibe, with lacey doilies and polished flooring. 

You munch on your treats and scroll idly on social media. A schoolmate from high school gave birth recently, posting hospital pics. You shoot her a mindless congrats. Good for her. You place the envelope with the keys on the table. It's only two of them, you hold the third on your keyring. One went to the backdoor and the other to the front. You still had to get more copied, but this way, they could start prepping. It'd take some serious elbow grease. 

The doorbell rings, and you glance up. Sans shuffles in, followed by at least two other skeletons. Thank fuck for the booths in this place.


	5. Little Darling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lunch break with some skellies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're coming up to by far my favorite chapter of this fic and I am so excited! It should be up after this one soon. Maybe a double update?

"So, keys and stuff," you say. Sans nods and slides a notepad across the table. You note (haha) that it's bright orange and has 'cool stuff' written on its cover. Very DIY and charming. The black-jacket-edgy-dude skeleton is slumped to Sans' right, looking out of the window like an angsty protagonist out of a hallmark movie, but not the Christmas kind. Another skeleton (one you know you haven't spoken to before) sits on his left. He's larger than Sans, you note, but something makes you look from him to Sans repeatedly. Something wasn't clicking. The larger skeleton tugs down his beanie, and you realize you must look sort-of intense trying to itch your mental scratch. 

"This is....?" you trail off, picking up the notepad and flipping it over. 

You open it right as Sans speaks. "Contact info for everyone in the house. Just in case. There are also emergency contacts and whatnot. I'd tell you it's unnecessary, but then I'd have lined." You wince. Sans was referring to monster haters, right? Unless someone in their family had a medical condition or something. The pun doesn't go over your head, but it isn't funny with the darker turn to the conversation. You skim through the contact list, and it matches the number of tenants. Everyone has at least one emergency contact. You place it down on the table and hand Sans the envelope you brought. 

"Two keys, for right now. I have a guy already working on backdoor copies, and I have a spare to the front."

A spider decides this is the moment to descend from the ceiling. It's large and furry, with a tray miraculously balancing in its skinny legs. The little darling lands on the table next to you. You coo and take the tray. "Hello, little darling. Fantastic spider service," you say while curling a finger in an offer of pets. This was a magic spider, you knew, since it was in Muffet's and tingled with magic upon contact with your finger. 

After a few seconds of petting, the spider does a cute Lil bow and skitters up a web. The sight of it makes you giggle. Now with the distraction of the spider gone, you look back at the skeletons sheepishly. "Heh, sorry. Anything else we need to go over?" Edgy dude is looking at you strangely, and the biggest has a thousand-mile stare going on. Sans seems amused when he hands over a check for the deposit. You look it over and tuck it away into a folder you had brought. "Great, do you know when I can expect you guys to move in?" Damn, the donuts here are good!

Sans shrugs, looking at the other two, "Hick?" The big skeleton, now you know as Hick shrugs slowly. "Howzaboutit, Red?" 

Black jacket (Red) shrugs noncommittally. "Fuck if I care."

Sans rolls his eyelights fondly and turns his head to you. "How does tomorrow sound?" 

You double-take. "That soon? Not that I'm upset by it! Just surprised you have your ducks in a row so soon."

"Quacktually, we're ready to duck out of our old place as soon as pondable."

"Alright," you concede, checking the time on your phone, "nice to see y'all again, but I gotta run back to my shift. Call me if there are any issues. I'd love it if you message me when you're ready to move in so I can stop by and help." Sans gives you a thumbs up. 

"Sure thing, Lordy."

You snort and pick up your to-go orders. "Lordy?"

"Yeah. Lord of the land is a bit too long, doncha think?" 

You chuckle and shake your head, smiling and not hating it. "Alrighty, whatever floats your boat. See y'all!" You say before leaving the shop. Hick and Sans wave you bye and Red refuses to meet your eye.


	6. Dead Serious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Big Move

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Batshit parts booting in 3....2....

They did move in the day after your lunchbreak with Hick, Red, and Sans. You had a feeling their previous digs were shit, but that wasn't any of your business. Call it a hunch. 

A big ass moving truck pulled into the driveway early that morning. You took this as a chance to properly introduce yourself to all of the tenants. Now, you had a name and pronouns to each face, and now you were sure they had yours. All of them treated you decently, even if some of them were more reserved than others. Blue had thanked you quite a bit for renting to them, and it made you shy. Stretch seemed a bit wary still, but he had relaxed some, you think. Sans greets you and promptly passes out on a couch being lifted by bright magic. It gets a rise out of Creampuff, and Red complains that he had stolen his idea. What fun, these skeletons. 

Things had smoothed out into almost peaceful work. Magic made the heavy lifting earlier. Edge, a tall skeleton with a penchant for leather, enlisted you to help him in the kitchen. The two of you are putting up dishes (with his sharp but easy to follow orders) when it happens. 

"WHO'S CAR IS THAT?" Edge asks.

You groan when you spy the car pulling into the driveway of your property. And here you thought today would be a peaceful day off to relax. Too late for that, it seemed. "My shitty ex," you grumble before exiting the big house. It takes everything in you not to slam the door out of frustration. 

What the fuck did he want? The last time you saw his face, you were yelling at him and shutting a door in his face. The stupid red car with 'Sherrif' on its side irritates you further. Of course, you had heard someone muttering about a new Sherrif being appointed. Was he here to goad, or was he going to beg for forgiveness in a patronizing manner? Eugh, both were likely. 

He was the type to call you drunk while crying about how he missed you when you knew he only missed your convenience. And then later on he'd send you angry texts when he's sober and remembers you verbally destroyed him over the phone. You had blocked his number, so of course, he resorted to showing up to your property. 

Who even told him about you getting it, his pig friends? 

You storm over to his car and pause, hands angrily propped on your hips. The temptation to bust his window was high, but it wasn't worth the potential lawsuit. He'd probably offer to 'forgive' the incident for something disrespectful like a public apology. He doesn't get out of the car, only rolls down his window, tips his cowboy hat like it makes him hot shit, and looks at you over his ray bands. Pompous fuck. "Evenin'," he greets, smiling like it makes him attractive. You give him your best poker face.

"It's 12 in the afternoon."

He doesn't acknowledge your statement, looking up and down your form before glancing at the big house. You can practically see your hackles rising. How much would bail be if you took a bat to his face?

"Nice place," he mentions 'offhandedly,' like he isn't about to say something stupid. 

"What do you want?" you grit out. He shrugs condescendingly. 

"Can't the Sherrif come by and see the new digs? Heard about it in the raffle. Cute picture."

"No. Besides, you're off duty." He isn't even in uniform, and his radio is cut off. Did you have 'Stupid' written across your forehead? He hums and taps his fingers on the steering wheel. 

"Got monsters crawling around that place?"

You seethe, knowing where this is going. "Get off my property."

"I'm an officer of the law, y'know. I'm only concerned for the safety of the citizens," he says. You ball your hands into fists but relax them. 

"Well," you start, placing a hand over your chest in a flourish, "You should be concerned for your safety if you don't get off my land. Don't think I won't call your little friends to get you." Fucking pigs. Most of them didn't give a shit in this town, and if they did you had to be human, white, cis, and straight. The resource officers on campus are shit. 

"You really ought not to talk to the Sheriff like that or any cop. Could get you hurt."

Oh, he wants to die! He must want death to talk to you like that!

"You're off duty, on my land, and I've already asked you to leave. Go somewhere else and be an asshole. Me and you? Nothing, there isn't one. I don't need a dickwad in my life. Fuck. Off."

"But-" "No," you interject, holding a hand up, "leave me AND my tenants alone. You have a very punchable face, y'know."

Dickwad's face contorts with rage. A familiar expression on his ugly mug. His hands grip the steering wheel like it's the neck of a guy who owes him cash. "Always violence with you monster huggers! Fucking apologizers. Go suck monster dick, I'm done with trying to be nice to you. No more chances, Y/N"

You glare at him incredulously, tossing your hands up in frustration. "You've been on my ass for months! I don't want any more chances, you arrogant toad fuck!" You bend down and send him a look so foul it'd kill him on the spot if it was possible. "If you don't leave me and mine alone, they'll have to scrape your sorry ass off the concrete. I will get a restraining order based on trespassing, stalking, and speciest behavior."

He scoffs, "you can't do that."

A laugh tears out of you, sending your head reeling back. It feels so delightful, and its manic nature freaks your ex out visibly. You lean back down, grinning. 

"Oh, I can. Ever heard of the monster embassy? Who will they believe? You, the Sherriff, or a handful of tenants and a landlord with a clean slate. Did those DUI's and assault charge ever drop? Forgot to ask during our last heart to heart. I was too busy thinking about how fucking stupid you looked."

He grits his teeth, and his voice is shrill when he says, "That charge was acquitted!" 

You chuckle and back up, hands sliding into your pockets. "Sure, buddy, get the fuck off and return with a warrant, dumbass." 

He pulls out of your driveway so quickly it kicks up rocks, you flash him the middle finger and cackle maniacally. Good riddance! When you turn back to look at the house, Edge is standing on the porch with his hands on his hips. Blue is striding towards you with a concerned expression. Sans is asleep on the fucking roof, and Red is conversing with his brother. 

"ARE YOU ALRIGHT?" asks Blue, now in front of you. His hands twitch and clench in the air as if he wants to comfort you but doesn't know how. Your hands are shaking, and you stuff them in your pocket. You notice Black and Rus exit the house to chat with both Red and Edge. It looks intense and you ignore it. 

"Better than he was about to be if he didn't leave. Do you mind if I go scream into a pillow for a bit? I'll be back once I've calmed down."

He acquiesces and lets his hands swing down by his sides. You nod tersely and start chugging it back to your house. God, that fucking dickbag! He just had to ruin what was so far a pleasant day with your colorful gaggle of tenants with good humor! Oh, if only stabbing was legal...you'd be sorely tempted.


	7. Frustrated Mom Edge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With douche gone, you can return to business.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Full disclosure: I am uploading this very early in terms of time. Expect a few missed mistakes. This chapter is sponsored by Tashannie- Don't bother me (caution.)
> 
> [My Tumblr](https://shatterflowerdemon.tumblr.com/)

When you reach what you mentally dub as your part of the yard, you let out a feral scream. Ah, the age-old stress relief, burning the fuck out of your vocal cords. After taking a few minutes to breathe evenly, you deem yourself cooled down enough to return to your tenants. You grimace at the looks you receive that you cannot discern. "LANDLORD! ARE YOU ALRIGHT?" asks a concerned Blue, who is taking a water break on the porch. You give him a thumbs up. 

Creampuff pauses in his furious texting to look you over. "HELLO!" he greets. 

You smile at them both and wiggle your fingers in response. "My rage has been quelled." Blue smiles now, patting the seat next to him on the porch swing. You consider it but decide you should finish the kitchen if Edge hadn't already. You did sort-of leave him hanging. "I'm gonna go inside and help more, thanks though!" Blue calls out an "anytime" behind you as you enter the big house. Creampuff hastily exclaims, "GOODBYE!"

The first thing you notice is Sans posed like a corpse on the table, asleep. Someone drew a dick on his cheek. You snort and move on, walking into the kitchen. Edge is now stocking the pantry, and you notice the appliances have been unboxed. "Heyyyyyy, Edge. Sorry about dropping off the face of the earth for a sec. I really detest the...dude that was in the driveway earlier," you say before beginning to unbox the rest of the kitchen stuff. Edge watches you, pausing his actions. 

"I HAVE VERY GOOD HEARING," he comments. You make a weird face and feel your earlier concern for your tenants well up. It'd be stupid of douche to try anything, but that didn't fill you with confidence. It was in his character to test a bitch, to put it lightly. 

"Ugh, sorry you had to hear his bullshit. Please, do not hesitate to tell me if he bothers any of you."

Edge squints at you, gesturing widely with a box of mac n cheese in his hand. "AND WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO IF HE DOES?"

You chuckle, and it sounds rough to your ears, "Take care of it." 

Edge searches your face and body language for a moment. He seems to be satisfied since he returns to his stocking. You work in silence for a few more moments. Edge grumbles to himself a bit. You ignore it in favor of setting up the silverware and making sure the microwave works. The harsh shutting of the pantry door startles you enough that you jump. You look at Edge, who is resolutely making firm eye contact with you. 

"LANDLORD. MAKE USE OF MY CONTACT INFORMATION, PARTICULARLY IF THIS...EX OF YOURS SHOWS HIS FACE. HIS SOUL FEELS OFF AND DETESTABLE."

You set the silverware organizer in its proper drawer. Someone had already labeled where everything is to be placed, taking the stress of asking off your back. "Thanks, Edge. I appreciate the offer, don't hesitate to message me either. Detestable isn't even the half of it," you grumble. 

"YOU KNOW HIM BETTER THAN I, HOWEVER, EVEN I CAN PERCEIVE HIS INSECURITY. HIS LACK OF CREATIVE VERNACULAR IS ALSO A CONCERN. I DO NOT UNDERSTAND HOW HE COULD UTTER SUCH THINGS ABOUT SOMEONE SO...SO...." he trails off, and you can imagine a ball of wool gathering inside his skull. 

"So...?" you prompt, starting to put hand towels in the next drawer. They were color-coded inside the moving box. 

"SMALL."

At his impressive height (not at all deterred by his shoe choice,) you certainly are considered short. You crook an eyebrow at him and gesture to his lankiness. 

"Compared to you? I'm a mushroom."

He huffs and turns his skull away. You catch a weird pattern of coloring on his cheeks, almost like a flush. 

You fake checking a moving box to get a better peek of his cheekbones. Yep, that's a blush. Well, you may be slow on the uptake sometimes, but you aren't an idiot. The room is evenly set in terms of temperature, and you don't think monsters get sick. Unable to leave shit alone (perish the thought,) you fake a double-take and peer up at Edge, standing on your tiptoes. 

"Are you okay?" 

Edge looks down at you, and the position clicks into place mentally. His arm stretches above your head. A box of salt dangles precariously from his hand. You're a little close, back to the counter. When did it get like this? Shit, this is your tenant, and you really shouldn't in case he gets uncomfortable. You smile nervously and backpedal, literally. Edge takes in your every move. Is that calculating look spelling doom? You think it is. 

"LANDLORD," he grouses. You wince but are unable to tear your eyes away from his face. He has a nice bone structure, you think. 

"What's up?" You ask a touch quieter than usual. Shit? 

"YOU OUGHT TO WIPE THAT LOOK OFF OF YOUR FACE BEFORE I DO SOMETHING DECIDEDLY UNPROFESSIONAL," he says while leaning down closer to your face. That sounded flirty as hell. 

"Uh?" you mutter, following his movements with your eyes while rooted to the polished kitchen floor. Did someone do that while you had your scream therapy session? Edge leans back and shuts the cabinet door.

"TO PRESERVE OUR CURRENTLY PLATONIC RELATIONSHIP, I WILL MOVE ONTO ANOTHER SECTION IN THIS HOUSE. DO KEEP CORRESPONDENCE IN MIND," he states before whipping out of the kitchen faster than a frustrated mom dropping her kids off at a sleepover. It draws your eyes from his broad shoulders to his long legs. 

"Holy shit," you say to an almost empty room.


	8. Smooth Dork

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unpacking and more Edge than you can handle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made a survey concerning my fics! It's two questions, and I'd be super stoked if you gave it a peek
> 
> (It's not collecting email addresses. Whatever that means)
> 
> https://forms.gle/2MXztF8dChM236V9A
> 
> Or: [Fic Survery!](https://forms.gle/WKhhwy4qjQgVvC54A)

With the kitchen done, you're stumped. Thankfully, Blue and Creampuff finish their break and come inside. Creampuff loudly scolds Sans for sleeping on the job. Of course, Sans had to reply that technically he was sleeping on the table, not the job. The strangled noise that comes from the taller skeleton is hilarious. Then you each take turns trying to scrub the dick off his cheekbone. It doesn't come off. 

"What can I say? It's hard being me," Sans comments. That sends you even further. What a hilarious situation! You wonder who drew it. You'd say Sans would have for the comedic effect, but he didn't seem the type to put that much effort into pranking himself. After giving up temporarily, Creampuff and Blue decide to set up the garage, including opening the doors, parking inside, and setting up their tools. It turns out they're into construction and puzzle making. It sounds complicated from the way they discuss 'battle plans.' You decide to walk around the house.

"Anyone need help?" you ask loudly, walking into the living room. The big furniture is settled, but there are still full boxes. Stretch walks downstairs and enters the living room.

"Hey," he greets. 

"Hey," you say back. Stretch yawns, plops on the ground, and starts digging through a box. The label is angled in a way you can't read it. "Need me to do anything?" you ask. 

He shrugs noncommittally. You search the room for something to do and decide to unpack some boxes. Inside the nearest one, you find curtains and curtain rods. Well, you reckoned they wanted to use these and started to set it up. While putting the rod up, you notice Red and Edge talking intently outside. Edge makes sharp and steady hand gestures. Red's hands stay stationary and in his jacket pocket. You can't hear what they're saying. As if by cue, they turn and notice you at the same time. Edge's teeth meld into a wicked smile, and Red looks at you with an emotion you can't pin. The shorter skeleton turns his head, pulls out his phone, and starts typing. Your phone buzzes in your pocket. Wait a fucking minute-

Uknown: A picture lasts longer

The text history with the (previously) unknown number burns into your retinas. 

How the fuck did you miss that? 

Wait, you knew how. When the messages occurred, you were tired and wrote off the stranger because, at that time, you didn't know a Red. You met him after -officially, at least. At least it proved that he was apologizing for what happened at the bar. The memory is a bit fuzzy since you were focusing on Fuku and the warm atmosphere. It doesn't help that there are so many skeletons to keep track of. 

You: Well, things make a bit more sense now  
You: You were looking too btw

Edge rakes his gaze over your form appreciatively when you stretch up to fix the curtain rod. Red texts you back based on the buzz from your phone. You finish the curtains before checking your phone. 

Unknown: Boss wants your digits

Huh? Did he mean Edge?

You: Boss???

Red doesn't respond, he simply jacks his thumb at his brother and mouths 'Dork.' You snort. 

You: Tell him that he'll have to come inside to get it

The two converse further, Edge pulls a funny face and slaps a hand on his forehead. He chews his short brother out before stomping up to the backdoor. "LANDLORD! I HOPE YOU DO NOT THINK I AM COWARDLY! MY BROTHER DID THAT WITHOUT MY PERMISSION! I AM PERFECTLY CAPABLE!" It's cute, you think, big edgy skeleton flustered because his brother asked for your number so he could give it to him. Total dorks. You smile a little. 

"It is a bit inappropriate, but I already have yours. It's only fair, right?" you ask 'innocently.' Edge nods stiffly and hands his phone over to you. His flustered demeanor makes you chuckle. You put yourself as 'Landlord' in his contacts and hand it over. Your fingers brush, and neither of you pulls away. 

"WELL, SINCE WE'VE ALREADY BREACHED PROTOCOL, WHAT'S A LITTLE MORE?"

You half-shrug. "I don't care if you don't. Morally gray, and all that. Besides, your lease is solid." Edge looks pleased and bends down to even the height difference as much as possible (without breaking his spine.) 

"Soon Then, Landlord," he murmurs in your ear. The tips of his gloves brush over the skin on your cheek, close to the ear he's purring into. "Do Not Fret If I Am Not The Only One Affected By Your Charms. I Have Already Laid Claim, Yes?" You nod dumbly, hands twitching by your sides. Are you supposed to move them? Where do you even grab, if at all? Shit, you can feel his warmth. A phone call may be in order. 

"You seem...confident about that," you say cautiously, looking into his eye sockets for the truth. Was this.....conventional for monsters? You'd never thought to ask. Granted, you didn't know many monsters in relationships. There was her, though. Maybe she'd put it into perspective?

"VERY."

You scream inside your head. It sounds like a dying cat bouncing around your skull. Edge maintains the tender contact before peeling himself away from you. He looks around as if checking the layout of the house, and meets your eyes again. 

"IF IT MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE, SINCE IT WILL HAPPEN, DO NOT HESITATE TO REACH ME OR MY BROTHER. HE HAS INSTRUCTIONS." Edge sighs and pats you on the head. He was a touchy guy, huh? Oh, well, you liked his touch. Maybe a bit too much if you're honest. "FAREWELL, EXPECT CORRESPONDENCE SOON FLUSTURED LANDLORD," he says before leaving the house entirely. 

What the fuck? What.the.fuck?!

You frantically dial a number on your phone and slip out to the backyard for privacy. The unpacking should be plenty underway, and you don't feel comfortable digging around their belongings without one tenant present. 

"H-Hello?"

"I think I just scored a date with a hot skeleton, total babe, by the way. Oh yeah and he's convinced his relatives are going to be charmed romantically by me or something? like, he just dropped that and left? I might be in shock."

"oh, oh, shit," the other person on the phone replies. 

"I know!" you screech, dragging your hand down your face in a flurry of mixed feelings. "Also, it's normal for them to come in specific pairs, right? Like, that shit is uncanny."

She laughs, it's subdued but you feel proud for having heard it from your introverted friend. "Well, Uh, Well, It's not that abnormal for monsters? We're, we're very love and hope-driven, uh, beings. Maybe- he uh- maybe he just knows you appeal to them too?"

You sigh, "Maybe? I don't know how to feel about that. It seems almost arrogant for me to agree with it? But he's the one that brought it up. I don't see it happening, but he was confident." She hums and you hear the tell-tale clack of her puzzle cube slipping through her sharp fingertips. Wow, she was putting in the effort if she busted the puzzle cube out. It helps her work out her theories and thoughts if she keeps her hands busy. You let her do her thing. 

"I, I think he knows his uh, his cousins pretty well. Monsters don't usually have the- the same hangups humans do. Relationships just work? We don't, we don't put so many labels on them," she pauses her thoughts and you hear her furiously solving the cube over and over again. It twists so harshly you hear the plastic whine. This doesn't make you concerned. it's typical Alphys behavior. 

"If, if they do something uh, 'flirty' you should, should ask their intentions! I'm sure you've uh, had that talk before, from me at least! This could end up being like that one anime Undyne and I watched last week, it was super cute and the protagonist was- uh, right! See what happens and communicate with this- this guy."

"so, this is just me having a human hangup, right now? Do relatives flirt with the same people often in monster culture? He said something about 'laying claim', too."

"OH MY GOSH! REALLY? THIS IS JUST LIKE A FANFICTION I FINISHED LAST NIGHT YOU'RE-TOTALLY-LIVING-A-BUDDING-HAREM!" You laugh at her antics, and it takes your mind off the cultural difference you now face. 

"Alphys! haha, gosh, you totally need to make a rec list! but uh, I don't think I'm getting the cultural implication right? He's saying his relatives are going to want to uhm, 'get with me,' right?"

"Y-YES! Seems that way. Ask him- ask him as soon as possible. Though, as a courtesy, you showed interest in him first, so if his uh, relatives, want to get in, in on it, they usually go- go through him and then you? It's like, social respect or something. Kinda like the human tradition with asking for a marriage hand!"

"Ohh," you say, "so basically you guys are chill with poly. That makes a lot of sense! He just wanted to set down like, a boundary by telling me what to expect and what he's cool with? Kinda like when you tell someone you're allergic to bees or something when dating. In case they keep bees, or whatever?"

"Uh-hm, pretty much, just swap intent." 

It was a good idea to call your genius friend. Alphys was more insightful than she let on. Maybe her and Undyne finally getting together helped her cultivate that side of herself? You thank her profusely and agree that a hangout was due. Next, you quickly sort your contacts out and send Edge a text.

You: I think I get what you were talking about but can we swap intent? 

No reply, but he was probably working. He was only the emergency contact for his brother, so it was likely his schedule was full. Actually, you think he might have mentioned The Guard in a previous conversation. When you head back into the bigass house, it's quiet. Sans blinks at a TV program on the ocean. He notices you walk in. 

"Heya," he says. You greet him back. 

"We got it from here, Lordy. I know the guys appreciated it. I Sure did, can't hear my old bones complaining." He shakes a wrist in emphasis. Sans looks like he'd like to nap now. You chuckle at the weird hinge-like noise coming from his swinging hand. 

"If you're sure. Sorry if I was too up in your grill, I won't show up unannounced as per the lease, and uh, I could go for a nap too."

"nap times 's the bed-st time," Sans answers, head already lolling in drowsiness. You chuckle and let yourself out of the house. Now you need to occupy yourself to avoid checking your phone almost every five seconds for a message from Edge. It's time to learn more about monster culture, isn't it?


	9. Hot Line

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You make plans with edgy brothers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! I like keeping the chapters real short for this fic (It prevents burnout) so that's why I had to chop this one in half.
> 
> [My Tumblr](https://shatterflowerdemon.tumblr.com/)
> 
> I post: Updates, snippets, and fanart (sometimes of my own fics!)

Edge: That sounds like a good idea. Do you have a location in mind?

You: Probably not my place?

Edge: My quarters, then?

You: Sounds good

That's how you scored alone time with a skeleton. It hadn't been long before Edge had messaged you. For all his smokiness, he sure was attentive. Others had messaged you too.

Red: Boss gave me the 411  
Red: I want in. U down?

You: about??

Red: sharing

Oh, uhhhhhh. Okay? Wow, Edge was right? What's the normal response for this? Okay, fuck normal. You go with your gut.

You: No offense, but I haven't been around you long

Red: only 1 way to change that  
Red: think bout it. I ain't the type to do shit by halves. 

Edge: HAS MY BROTHER MESSAGED YOU? 

You: He did. Something about 'wanting in?'

Edge: Good. Everything will make more sense after we next meet. For his seemingly no fucks nature, he cares for important things. Bear this in mind. 

You: I'll take your word for it. Can we maybe include him in the intent swap?

Edge: That is satisfactory

So, Edge, the poly skeleton you had flirted with, wanted you to consider dating his brother? The thought didn't upset you. If anything, you were curious and confused. Was Edge playing wingman a typical thing for them? Why was he so sure his cousins (and brother, apparently) would be into you? What the fuck? Were you all their type or something? 

What even are the odds of that?

You arrange a date, deciding that you'll swing by their place tomorrow and swap intent with him and Red. 

You semi knew what to expect, having heard Alphys gush about it before. Humans usually aren't sensitive to intent, so sometimes extra steps were required. Alphys and Undyne swapped intent at the official beginning of their relationship. Your endearing lizard monster friend was still emotional about it when recounting the experience. 

Swapping intent is a magic involved 'conversation' used to settle understandings, communicate effectively and (usually) foster positive relationships. It isn't exclusively romantic or sexual. The finer details are lost to you. 

You do a regular shift at the coffee shop. During lunch, you stop back into Muffet's and opt into spider service. You order something a bit more savory this time. The little darling that plops itself onto your table is bigger than the one last time. The real bonus is that this spider has a cute spiderweb patterned bow! You thank the spider profusely, as someone would to a child that did something charming and enjoy the food. 

When you're halfway done with the meal, you notice one of your tenants passing by. You have the window seat, and they happen to glance your way. Well, there is a right large number of them. The town was built to be walkable, (college towns amirite?) so that raised the likelihood of running into them. 

The tenant -whose name currently escapes you, damn- pauses and does a double-take. Feeling a weird mix of cheerful-awkward, you wave and offer the monster a friendly smile. They shuffle in place. You're not sure if you just put them on the spot or not. It seems they gather their courage when they lift their head and wave back. It's limp and unenthused, but you'd take it. The tenant looks around them. You can't look away, getting a touch of second-hand embarrassment when they can't decide what to do. Their hand lifts like in preparation for another wave, but they stare at you for a second before walking off. 

They must not be a great socializer, then. You understood how that felt and let it roll off your back. Unfortunately, now the name of that tenant is going to bother you all day. When you check your phone, you're due back at work soon. The rest of your shift flies by once the rush hits. At least you didn't work overtime today. 

You leave tired but nervous-excited. Nervous because what can you expect from the intent swap? Excited because it was new, and you'd get to see Edge again. 

The bus stops about a block from your house. You get off and begin the rest of the trek. The weather was nice enough. Too bad the bus doesn't have a bike rack.


	10. Googly eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You arrive at the big ass house, ready for whatever happens next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This ran too long for me to get the full swap of intent in. Sorry folks!

You walk straight up to the door of the big ass house and knock. Edge and Red had been radio silent after earlier, but then again, you hadn't messaged them either. It'd be best to talk in person since you're already here and all. 

Blue is the one that opens the door. "LANDLORD!" he exclaims. You laugh. He's wearing a shirt with an anime you don't recognize.

"Hey, Blue! Is Edge around?" 

"Yes, he's inside. Would you like to come in?" You smile gratefully and enter, making sure the door is shut and taking your shoes off. Politeness and all that. It's better to be safe than sorry for getting street gum on the carpet. When you look around, you can see most of the skele-cousins. Stretch gives you a short and lazy wave. He looks like the couch is about to swallow him. You wave back. 

You see the skeleton from the street earlier. They shy into their beanie when you smile at them. Creampuff (and who you think is Moss) are scrapbooking with great vitality at the table. Blue has two googly eyes stuck to his skull. He must have been crafting, too. Black is leaning against the kitchen counter, watching his brother heat something in the microwave with disgust. Rus is very invested in the microwave. Red slumps next to Stretch, and Sans is nowhere to be seen. 

Stretch pokes Red in the arm. The shorter skeleton eyes him irritably. Stretch nods not so subtly towards you. Red looks past the taller skeleton and notices you. His posture straightens, and he grouches something to Stretch. 

It seems like Stretch knew Red was waiting for you. Does he know about the intent and poly thing? You don't have time to ponder on it too long. Red strides up to you. His body posture reads like he's trying to seem confident. The sweat beading on his skull betrays his nerves. It's charming. Magic sweat is more hygienic than human sweat anyway, probably. 

"Hey, Red," you greet. What do you even say to the guy who wants to date you when you've barely spoken? I mean, sure, he seems straight up your alley and all that. It's just odd how not against this idea you are. Oh well, you were never 'normal.' It's about time you let yourself have something fucking nice. You think about Dickwad, and you become resolute. No matter what becomes of this situation, you're not going to regret it. This time you're giving your energy where it's not going towards a monsterphobe. Fucker. 

"Heyo," Red says. He weakly finger-guns at you. Everyone in this house is such a dork. It puts a smile on your face. 

"BROTHER! IF THAT IS INDEED THE LANDLORD'S VOICE I JUST HEARD, CEASE YOUR AWKWARD STAMMERING AND GUIDE THEM UP HERE!"

Stretch howls in laughter from the couch. You think you can hear Rus and Black snickering. 

"Yeah, Red. Stop your awkward stammering."

You turn towards the source of the voice. It's Sans. He looks tired and waves at you. When you return it, his attention moves to the couch, and you swear he looks like he just found an oasis in the desert. When you blink, Sans is on the couch and kicking his feet up onto the coffee table. Creampuff chastises him with input from Blueberry in the form of disgruntled noises. It's very comedic. When you look at Red, he's ducked into the fuzzy part of his jacket with hands jammed in its pockets and shoulders hiked.

"so, uh, guess we better hop to it huh," you say. It must relieve Red in some way since his shoulders drop. 

"Yer right."

You follow him up the stairs, passing several others decorated in ways that scream who owns them. Edge's is bare, save from the edgy looking do not disturb sign on it. There are a skull and crossbones on it and everything. Red knocks to the beat of 'shave and a haircut.'

"ENTER." Oh yeah, that's Edge. Red walks in first, pressing the door to the wall over your head. When you've cleared the entrance, he moves further into the room. 

"Landlord," Edge greets. His gaze is charming you in many ways. How does he manage that, being so cool and collected, but so affectionate you don't know how to deal?!

"Edge," you say as calmly as you can. "What's the game plan?"  
Red takes a spot at a desk in the room. Edge unfolds his hands and pats the bed next to him. 

"I PRESUME YOU'RE AWARE OF THE BASICS, CORRECT?"

"Just the concept," you say. "A friend of mine told me the function but none of the details. She best recommended that I tried it out first."

Edge hums. "I WILL WALK YOU THROUGH AND EXPLAIN EVERYTHING TO THE BEST OF MY ABILITIES. CONVENIENTLY, MY BROTHER HAS INSIGHT AS WELL. IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS, DO NOT HESITATE TO ASK. HUMANS CAN BE... UNACCOSTUMED TO OUR PRACTICES."

He means speciesist and afraid, but you don't call him out on it. "Gotcha. How do we start?"

Edge grins now. "WONDERFUL QUESTION. PLEASE REMOVE ANY JEWELRY OR METAL THAT YOU CAN FROM YOUR PERSON. I HAVE BEEN TOLD THEY CAUSE UNCOMFORTABLE SENSATIONS."


End file.
